philosophy button
The Art of Working with People – accepting and offering criticism
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.
-James 1:2-3
Nobody likes criticism or at least no “normal person” enjoys criticism. Most people hate to receive it and if they were very honest, most only offer it out of their own insecurity and pain. Why is it that critique runs rampant in most teams? There’s one really good answer to this: the leader allows it to run rampant. Some leaders not only allow it, but also are the guiltiest member. So let’s look real quickly at how to accept criticism and how to offer it.
How to accept criticism
1) Seek more answers to the critique. The first thing that happens when someone criticizes us is our defense mechanisms go into high gear. As a matter of fact, if you’re like me they go into super high gear. So how do we bring those down a notch? Ask clarifying questions. Not in a snotty “I think you’re wrong” way, but instead ask them to clarify what they’re saying in such a way that you can REALLY hear what they’re saying. This helps us take a breath and really evaluate what their saying. Is this a legitimate concern that I need to change or is this just someone trying to hurt me.
2) Everyone may deserve the right to his or her opinion, but if it’s a dumb opinion, it’s a dumb opinion. I’ve noticed that especially here in the States, we hold to the value that everyone can and should have an opinion and that every opinion matters. That’s just not true. My opinion on astrophysics is that, well, I really don’t know what it even is. You’d be a complete moron to take my advice on anything related to the topic. The same can be said with so many people and their viewpoints on leadership. Some people just love to share their opinion on how YOU should think, act, and react in every circumstance. Take their opinion for what it’s worth, and realize that it might not be worth very much.
3) Hurt people hurt people. We know this. This might be the very reason we’ve received the criticism in the first place. The other person is hurt about something and the feel the need to lash out…and you were a perfect target. Just remember that if you’re hurt, your natural reaction will be to hurt someone else. It might be the offending person, another coworker, spouse or child. Either way, don’t be that person. Choose to not be that person.
How to offer criticism
1) You’ve heard the formula before. First you be sure to say something good… then your critique…then something else good. Blagh! Don’t do that. Not that there isn’t truth to the formula. It’s just that people can see right through it. The key is this: if you continually critique others, they won’t care about what you say. I have a few people in my life who love to tell me what to do and how to do it. To be honest, I rarely rely on their advice, their critique, or their perspective. On the other hand, I have a few people in my life who really do care about me more than they care about looking like they know more than me. When those people point out something in my life that is “off”, well… I want to change. It’s all in the relationship.
2) Keep it honest. Make sure you really know what you’re critiquing and why. Just be honest and say what it is that you’ve seen that appears to be out of character for a believer.
3) Keep it consistent. I don’t mean to keep criticizing consistently. What I mean is that you need to be a consistent source of honestly, love, and respect. Let people know by your actions that you are a safe place because you always have their best interest in mind.
If you like this post you might try these
Leave a Reply
philosophy button
