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Archive for June, 2010
The Quality vs Quantity Time Myth
Thursday, June 24th, 2010
In his book Revolutionary Parenting, George Barna writes the following:
“Millions of parents have accepted the idea that they have to make a choice. They must either give up careers and self-fulfillment and spend a lot of time with their children, or spend limited but deeply enriching time with them while maintaining the same level of vocational involvement. Over the past 15 years, various studies have shown that this switch has diminished the impact of parents. And the lie about the choice involved has hurt both parents and children, leaving a large proportion of young adults feeling as if they were not adequately parented and a shockingly high number feeling that they lacked a father figure in their lives. In fact, when we asked young adults what they felt were the most significant mistakes that America’s parents have made, the second highest ranked mistake was not spending enough time with their children.”
“The typical American family registers less than 15 minutes of direct parent-child conversation each day.”
In today’s fast paced world most parents are stuck doing their best imitation of a taxi cab driver. They’re escorting their children from one event to the next, pounding down some fast food, chatting it up on their cell phone, and dropping french fries under the seats that will be petrified by the time the minivan gets cleaned 2 months later. There is the revolving door at home where things seem more like Grand Central Station than a home at times. And oh yea, all while mom and dad are trying to advance in their career and let’s not forget trying to carve out a little time for some romance. Things just don’t seem so romantic now after rattling off a list like that. At that breakneck pace, how relationally deep can anyone go with their kids? While we don’t always do this right by any stretch of the imagination, the following are some examples of what has worked well in the Alexander house.
#1 Get out of the House Together
I don’t know about you but the house gets stuffy for me sometimes especially with 3 kids well, being kids. We make it a point on a regular basis to just get out of the house together. It may mean going on a family bike ride, walking down to a local pond to feed the ducks, or play at the local park all evening after work. We’ve even hit up a botanical garden and of course there is the old standby sporting event.
#2 Go out for Treats
In this economy eating out for a family of 5 can be a bit challenging to do on a regular basis. But we definitely have some family favorites that can be done on the cheap. It’s amazing how our family can put away a dozen or so Krispy Kreme donuts that are hot off the press. And lucky for us (and the local gym) there is a Cold Stone and Starbucks right by the house. In fact my kids knew what Starbuck was way before they knew about McDonald’s!
#3 Regular Family Nights
We’re pretty dogmatic about our weekly family night. This is just one of those you spend time doing what’s important to you deals. The phone gets turned off (I’m trying) and we will do game nights, movie nights, wrestle-mania, you name it! How about a little Wii bowling tournament?
#4 Dates with Daddy
This is the fun stuff. Sitting at Starbucks sipping a latte listening to what’s going on in the life of one of my daughters, hitting a movie with them, or taking them out for a meal just one on one. I’m trying my best to make the standard pretty high for some young man to live up to.
#5 Eat lunch with your kid at school
This is a simple thing that we’ve done from time to time that is still cool and is a treat (especially if we bring something for them and their friends).
#6 Take a Staycation
Instead of heading out of town, still take the time off of work but save the money and stay home and explore your home town. I bet there is a ton of stuff you and your kids have never done at home. One time we camped in the backyard for a couple of nights and one of those nights we even pulled out a T.V. and a DVD player stuck in backyard made some cars out of cardboard boxes and did a drive in movie night!
#7 Spiritual Conversations
We’ve decided to make Bible reading, praying together as a family (not just at meals), and talking about spiritual matters a normal part of the day in and day out experience of our family. We’ve intentionally chosen to bring the Bible into everyday situations so our kids will grow up knowing that the Scriptures are our sole authority in life, and they speak to every area of our lives. This becomes a normal no-brainer part of our conversation through out the day, not weirdo separatist stuff.
#8 Learn to Talk with and Listen to your Children
Perhaps one of the most difficult skills to learn is actually talking with your kids. I know it sounds bizarre, most of us don’t have a hard time talking to people we work with and interact with all day, but when it comes to talking about real substantive stuff with our own kids we blank out. Learning to ask the right questions and then just listening to your kids is paramount to how you spend your time with your kids. Getting to know your kids, and them getting to know you, takes time and it’s worth it.
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What is “Orange”?
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010I’ve posted a few times now on the concept of “Thinking Orange”. I just thought… do people even know what it means to “Think Orange”? Here’s a short intro video the ReThink group pulled together to explain.
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On the Horizon for Family Regeneration…
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
Hey just wanted to give a heads up about a couple really cool thing on the horizon.
#1 Lead the Way God Made You Book Tour
On June 30, I will post my review of Larry Shallenberger’s book – Lead the Way God Made You. Here’s the cool thing – Comment on that post and be entered for a free copy of the book. I actually have 2 copied to give away so be sure to comment and let’s see who can win a free book!
#2 Networking…
For those of you who don’t know me very well yet, you need to understand that I love to network. Well… It’s coming to FR really soon. In just a couple weeks I’m going to have a button on this site for any children’s / family / student ministry leaders that really want to network… like REALLY NETWORK. I want to pull together a sort of “dream team” of skills and resources. I’m going to open the group up to about 10 people. There will be all kinds of restrictions… and terms of agreements (such as …everything we produce in this group must be GIVEN AWAY free to churches), things like that. I’m so excited about the potential this has in the Kingdom. So don’t miss out!
#3 Empowering Families Blog
Again in case you are unaware, I host a blog for Craig Jutila and Empowering Families. This is a great site for you to send the parents at your church for additional encouragement, resources, and tips. If you’re ever interested in becoming a consistent voice on that blog let me know and we can talk!
Check out the Blog (Here)
…So let’s RECAP
#1 Book Review June 30, 2010
#2 Networking July 2010
#3 Empowering Families Blog (come and write…share your thoughts)
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Tribute to My Dad
Sunday, June 20th, 2010
Fathers give us so much more than just life and receding hairline. If anyone knows me at all they know that in many ways I revere my Father. Here are a few things my dad gave me:
MY DAD GAVE ME:
-A Work ethic
-Security that everything will be fine when He’s there
-The belief that God is sovereign
-A hope
-A purpose for life
-A love for missions
-A an unconditional love for kids
-Administrative skills
-Unconditional love
-Money (not necessarily untold riches)
But most importantly…
An understanding of the fear of the LORD
How we view our fathers have a direct correlation to how we view God!
~I love my dad.
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