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Archive for May, 2010
The Personal Effects of Parenting Styles Part 1
Sunday, May 9th, 2010
Types of parenting style are one variable that has been researched extensively in regard to both social and character development. This paper will introduce several parenting styles that have been identified by researchers and will evaluate their effectiveness, specifically in regard to the way in which I was raised and the way in which I plan to raise my children.
The relationship between parenting styles and child psychosocial outcomes are well documented (Baldwin et at., 2004). Baumrind (1967) proposed the following three types of parenting styles: Authoritarian, Permissive, and Authoritative. The Authoritarian parenting style is noted for being a highly restrictive style in which adults tend to impose many rules. They expect strict obedience and often rely on physical punishment to gain compliance. The Permissive parenting style is a lax parenting style in which adults make few demands. They encourage their children to express their feelings and rarely use force to gain control over their behavior. Permissive parents do not require mature behavior from their children, but encourage independence instead. The Authoritative parenting style consists of a constellation of parent attributes that include high standards, emotional support, encouragement of bi-directional communication, and consistent enforcement of the rules they establish. In other words, Authoritative parents tend to be demanding, but not restrictive (Baldwin et at., 2004).
For the most part, research suggests that children achieve the most positive outcomes when they are reared by Authoritative parents. Children of Authoritative parents perform better in school, display fewer conduct problems, and show better emotional adjustment than those raised in non-Authoritative homes (Simons, & Conger, 2007). It has also been reported that college students reared in an Authoritative home possess more confidence, persistence, and academic success. The offspring from Authoritative parents tend to excel academically, exhibit few internalizing or externalizing behavioral problems, score higher on measures of self-reliance, and do exhibit more prosocial behaviors (Baldwin et at., 2004). This research is also congruent with the research that links the relationship between a more harsh parenting style and child aggression and negative social-emotional outcomes such as depression and anxiety (Ho et al., 2008).
Kevin Leman (2000) identifies three key components to Authoritative parenting. Authoritative parents discipline by way of action, listen to their children, and offer themselves to their children by giving them their time and attention.
Dr. Tim Kimmel (2004) identifies seven types of parenting styles of most evangelical Christians. These styles are:
1. Fear-Based Parenting – Parents base their decisions on the fear of negative outcomes.
2. Evangelical Behavior-Modification Parenting – Parents base their decisions on the need to change their child’s actions only.
3. Image-Control Parenting – Parents use their decisions to control their child’s actions in order to maintain an image that would be viewed as acceptable among their peers.
4. High-control Parenting – Parents base their decisions on the ability to control their child’s response to external choices.
5. Herd-Mentality Parenting – Parents base their decisions on what their peers view as acceptable.
6. Duct-Tape Parenting – Parents base their decisions on a quick fix to their problems.
7. Life-Support Parenting – Parents base their decisions on a quick fix due to a crisis that has become the focus of all of their time and energy.
8. Grace-Based Parenting – Parents base their decisions on their dependency on Christ and desire to model Him and His grace to their children.
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Intmacy and Affection
Friday, May 7th, 2010
Several years ago, Dr. Kevin Leman wrote a book with the provocative title: Sex Begins in the Kitchen. The premise of the book is this: it takes time to create sexual intimacy, particularly for women. Almost all women and some men, need more than sex, they need affection. In as to not confuse you, “sex” and “affection” is not the same thing.
In his book His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Willard Harley offers men some great suggestions as to how to raise the level of “affection” for their spouse. Here’s what he says:
o Hug and kiss your wife every morning while you’re still in bed.
o Tell her that you love her while you’re having breakfast together.
o Kiss her before you leave for work.
o Call her during the day to see how she’s doing.
o Bring her flowers once in a while as a surprise.
o Gifts for special occasions (birthday, anniversary, Christmas…) should be sentimental, not practical. Learn to shop for a woman.
o After work, call her before you leave for home, so that she can know when to expect you.
o When you arrive home from work, give her a hug and a kiss and spend a few minutes talking to her about how her day went.
o Help with the dishes after dinner.
o Hug and kiss her every night, before you both go to sleep.
When a woman is shown affection properly, sexual intimacy is enhanced as well. This is a tested concept that has been found true time and time again. So men, I suggest you take this list and “test this for yourself”!
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