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Archive for March, 2010
SHIFT (part 2)
Wednesday, March 24th, 2010
By Dave Olges
This is the second of a two-part series introducing Solution-Focused Counseling. Click here to read part 1.
Enough with your mother, already
True enough, inventorying of some of Tom and Debbie’s childhood challenges would help us understand their current impasse. Exhausted and bewildered on how their relationship has fallen from a marriage into a gladiator match, Tom and Debbie recognize that they have traded a soulmate for a roommate, and they wisely recognize that they need help now, or else it’s curtains.
But 20th century solutions like those advocated by famed psychotherapist pioneer Sigmund Freud are too often content to analyze, and analyze, and analyze. That can sound like a counselor who just wants to be thorough, but that can also reflect somebody who just wants to bill many, many, many hours on your tab. That might be ok for Daddy Warbucks, but for the rest of us, it’s a bit impractical.
The rest of us need actionable counseling, where we experience a kind of shift in our understanding of a problem that enables solutions.
The Miracle Question
Solution-Focused Counseling is based on several, specific techniques that help prompt a shift in the patient’s thinking and understanding of a problem. It’s less about introducing new information or data into a situation, and more about reorganizing and reinterpreting the information into ways that can help make better sense of the problem. One is that the counselor is looking for solutions, believing that the couple already has not only the answer(s) that they need, but the capacity to act upon that answer(s).
To get at that answer the counselor introduces the Miracle Question, and it goes something like this: Suppose you fall into a deep sleep tonight, and while you are asleep a miracle happens and all your problems are solved. When you wake up in the morning everything is different. What is the first thing you would notice that would tell you the problem is gone?
That’s where the next technique comes into play. The counselor looks for specifics. Specifics are great. They are tangible. We can picture them like a smile, eye contact, a kind word or a polar bear. The point is this: If the counselor can identify one specific behavior, they can then ask a follow up question, “When is the last time you saw even a little bit of that happen?”
This move is so subtle. Did you see the shift? The counselor shifts the client’s focus from talking about the problem to looking for her own solution, just like you were able to stop thinking about the polar bear last week when you replaced that thought with a replacement—a giraffe. In fact, the client already has the solution—or its approximation—in mind; they are probably exhausted, and out of ideas for where to look for it. As soon as the client says when she saw a little piece of the miracle happen, they can set about the task of reproducing that event. They are working on creating a solution instead of understanding a problem.
Let’s shift gears
So, let’s test drive the idea right now.
· What is your biggest problem right now?
· Suppose you go to sleep tonight. You fall into the deepest sleep you’ve had in years. While you are asleep, a miracle happens and your problem is gone, completely gone. What is the first thing that you notice when you wake us that tells you things are different? Be specific; even consider taking out a piece of paper or a journal and writing this out.
· So, back in real life, when is the last time you saw even the smallest piece of that miracle at work? What was going on? If I were looking into the room, what would I see?
What came to mind? Something specific? If it were to happen today, it might not fix everything, but would it make a difference? What if you were to ask for that one change?
Let’s be sure to turn this around, too. What if you went to the other person and pose these questions? What would they say? Do you know? Would you even like to know? Maybe it’s just too tense and the last thing you could do is have a meaningful face-to-face conversation. Could you write these questions down and leave them as a note?
It’s important to remember that one effort cannot change everything, but it could be a start. Even if your friend/spouse/child doesn’t respond, a significant thing has changed in your relationship: your perspective. You’re not looking to find the problem, you’re looking for specific solutions.
And that is quite a shift.
Dave Olges, MA, MBA, NCP, LMHC is a Christian, licensed mental health counselor and president of Embark Counseling in Fishers, Indiana. Contact him at dolges@msn.com.
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SHIFT
Wednesday, March 17th, 2010
By Dave Olges
This is the first of a two-part series introducing Solution-Focused Counseling.
Tom and Debbie had been fighting for three months, almost non-stop. If they weren’t fighting, they were simply resting up for the next round. They had each traded a soulmate for a roommate, and they wisely recognized their need to get some professional counseling.
Like any problem-solver, the first thing a counselor wants to do is diagnose the problem, and that means learning some history. This not only helps the counselor, but the clients, who have to play the role of both journalist and historian. Over the next few months of counseling, Tom and Debbie had learned a lot. Tom saw how he (like his dad) relied on intellectualizing to avoid getting hurt. Debbie saw how she (like her mother) had nagged Tom for years to get what she wanted out of him.
Both were willing to admit their mistakes and wanted to move forward. So, it was with guarded hope that Debbie looked at her counselor and asked, “What now?”
“So, tell me about your mother.”
That classic line is a hallmark of famed psychotherapy pioneer Sigmund Freud. Widely considered the father of the discipline, Freud would spend years with a single client looking through his or her past. Freud wanted to inventory a client’s family type, closest friends, greatest successes, most painful failures, and, of course, “tell me about your mother.” It’s sort of a historian’s approach to problem-solving.
The assumption with psychotherapy is that our problems today are simply a current chapter of a story that began in our childhood. If we unpack what happened in the past, then we learn what makes us tick. We can look at and evaluate why we do what we do. It can be helpful if we are stuck in a relational rut. Repeating, over and over again the same mistakes and never getting out of life what we hoped for. So, we get advice from a friend, pastor or counselor, and the beneficiary dutifully take their thoughts to heart and learns something about yourself and the way you relate to others.
The problem: Insight does not equal life change—or, in professional counseling terms, a shift—and that is a big deal.
The mechanic needs a shift
Imagine going to an auto body shop after an accident. The mechanics walk around your car several times, taking copious notes on every detail of the damage. They disappear back into their office for a short time and upon returning, soberly announce, “Um, you might want to have a seat. This might be difficult. Um, we’re sorry to tell you…, geez, how to say this…look, you hit a tree. Your driving could have been better.”
“That’s…it?” you’d say. You’d want to scream, “Duh! I know I hit a tree! I know I made mistakes! What can I do to fix it now?”
Sometimes counseling works the same way. Solution-Focused Counseling (SFC) takes a different approach than the traditional psychotherapy route of inventorying a lot of history. For starters, the counselor assumes a few things about his client. The first is that he or she is able to solve their situation. Even further, the clients already have an idea of the answer to their problems, and it is likely that they just don’t realize it yet.
Most importantly, a solution –focused counselor is looking for solutions and not just a better understanding of the problem.
So, tell me about your Giraffe
Here’s how SFC works:
Don’t think about a polar bear.
Seriously.
Just stop.
Don’t think about the polar bear!
I mean it this time.
Quit it.
Can’t do it, can you? The polar bear is just sitting there in your head like a big lump. Don’t worry he’s in mine, too.
Now, try this: Don’t think about a polar bear. Instead, think about a giraffe. Did you do it?
Hey, look at you! You did it! Easier isn’t it?
That’s an introduction to SFC. A solution-focused counselor will get a basic inventory of history to understand the context of a situation, but wants to transition (sooner than later) into seeking answers.
Next week, in the second part of this two-part series on an introduction to Solution-Focused Counseling, we’ll explore some of the specific techniques that make up this strategy to pursue actionable solutions to experience a true shift in our lives.
Dave Olges, MA, MBA, NCP, LMHC is a Christian, licensed mental health counselor and president of Embark Counseling in Fishers, Indiana. Contact him at dolges@msn.com.
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